T Ann Cake

A lovely lady has opened up a cafe in Dundee. Here is the link to her blog, I think you should all go have a look.  I had a very tasty mocha, caramelised onion, sundried tomato and gruyere tart and an apple pie. Yum yum yum.

Standing on ice.

I've been away this week visiting friends in Glasgow. I got there just as things ground to a halt because of the bad weather. Despite that a good time was had and successful Christmas shopping was completed. The picture above is of the Clyde which in parts was frozen solid. You can see a great chunk of the water by the shore frozen over here. Things were starting to thaw by the time I came back to Dundee but apparently there is more to come.

Coming to you from the state of New Siberia.

While the weather has been terrible I have moved back to my mums house because it's warmer than my own. We ventured outside today and went to my grandads house on the outskirts of the city just to check everything was ok. It was thankfully and I got some lovely photographs of the house and garden, two of which can be seen above. Luckily he has recently had the guttering checked so there were no icicles or worry of burst pipes but some of the other houses near him couldn't claim the same. We also went to my flat to make sure everything there was ok. The building has police tape outside because some guttering has come down along with some roof slates so hopefully the landlord is dealing with that. Inside the flat was all fine though so that is good news. Not long after that I had to go home, one of my feet was so cold I couldn't tell if it was wet inside of my welly boot or not. By the time I got back to mums house the sole of my foot and two of my toes were completely numb and took a good long time and a hot water bottle before they were back to normal. I hope everyone is faring well no matter how the weather is where you are.

Living in a winter wonderland

So it's been a long long time since I've posted on here but I am having a bout of self expression so thought I would reprise my blogging ways. 

This mainly came about now that I'm reading a few other blogs and I wanted to join in the fun once more. Also the fact I've been in the house all day doing not much of anything and thought it would be a good way to fill some time.

I was stuck in by the way, not because I'm lazy but because it is not entirely dis-similar to the arctic outside (although being lazy was part of it too). It's been snowing for over 24 hours now and no particular sign of stopping any time soon. I live in the middle of town and because Dundee is right on the river Tay and not more than a stones throw from the North Sea the city center doesn't usually get much snow and when we do it doesn't lie for long. Not this time I tell you! We've got about 3 inches so far so goodness knows what it's like out in the sticks. There was lightning last night too. Lightning and snow...at the same time! This may not strike anyone else as strange or unusual but it's not a combination I'd ever thought of. I can tell you being woken up from sleep at 5am with lighting going off like canons is not a good way to start a Sunday morning. I expected the rain to be pelting down so imagine my surprise to look outside and see the snow still going strong and the place looking particularly Lapland like.

Aside from all this I'm now pondering the trip to work tomorrow. The local buses were taken off as were the taxis so if that hasn't changed by morning then it's a treck through the snow for me. I wonder if I have any tennis rackets I can tie to my feet to help my journey. Taking the buses off confuses me somewhat, the roads will only get worse with less traffic on them to keep them clear. But I have heard from friends that the motorways around the city have been closed so like I thought, out of the center has it bad. 

Wish me luck for my trip tomorrow, mostly can you please wish that I get a call saying work is closed and not to come in. That would be ace!

Ouch

It is not so much the sore throat that is the problem, it's the ear and jaw ache that come with it. One of those dull slow pains that just lingers, enough for you too feel all the time, except when you do anything at all then it turns into a blinding shooting pain. More pills all round I think.

Sleeping

That's how I've spent most of this week. I had a tonsil removed on Monday morning, maybe I got to keep the other one for luck? Anyway, I was sent home with a pile of different pain killers and after a short debate with my mother regarding where I should go (her house, she won) I spent a couple of days sleeping on her sofa and being fed and watered while she took pity on me. I'm home now and having had a sore jaw for 2 days now it's getting better. Apparently the pain is worst on the 4th and 5th days so this was all expected. However, I've not had any medicine in 6 hours so I'm thinking I may go have some more so it's all kicked in for bed time. I don't know about you but I can't get to sleep with an ache.

Aside from that I've not really been up to much, I got some flowers for the flat to cheer me up, not that I've not been cheerful of course. Pictures tomorrow I think, once they have had a chance to open. Peonies and white snap dragons seeing as you asked. This post is really just me thinking I need to be as good with updating this as I once was, so any random babble that comes to mind will be posted to get me back in the swing of things.

Also, a favour to ask for anyone out there, I assume there is someone out there? Can you recommend a book I have to read or a film I have to see. I'll buy any book if you tell me why I must and I will add any film suggestion to my lovefilm account. Broaden my horizons people, thank you please.

Your Tax Form Explained

I got my Tax Return the other week, this says it all really :

Enclosed is your 1998 United States Internal Revenue Service Tax Form 1040-ES OCR: “Estimated Tax for Self-Employed Individuals.” You may use this form to estimate your 1998 fiscal year tax IF:

1. You are the head of a household AND the sum of the ages of your spouse and dependents, minus the ages of qualifying pets (see Schedule 12G), is divisible by a whole number. (Use Supplementary Schedule 142C if pets are deceased but buried on your property.)

2. Your Gross Adjusted Income does not exceed your Adjusted Gross Income (except where applicable) AND you did not pay taxable interest on dividend income prior to 1903.

3. You are not claiming a foreign tax credit, except as a “foreign” tax credit. (Warning: Claiming a foreign tax credit for a foreign “tax” credit, except where a foreign “tax credit” is involved, may result in a fine of $125,000 and 25 years‘ imprisonment.)

4. You are one of the following: married and filing jointly; married and not filing jointly; not married and not filing jointly; jointed but not filing; other.

Instructions

Type all answers in ink with a number two lead pencil. Do not cross anything out. Do not use abbreviations or ditto marks. Do not misspell “miscellaneous.” Write your name, address, and social security number, and the name, address, and social security numbers of your spouse and dependents, in full on each page twice. Do not put a check mark in a box marked “cross” or a cross in a box marked “check mark” unless it is your express wish to do the whole thing again. Do not write “Search me” in any blank spaces. Do not make anything up.

Complete Sections 47 to 52 first, then proceed to even-numbered sections and complete in reverse order. Do NOT use this form if your total pensions and annuities disbursements were greater than your advanced earned income credits OR vice versa.

Under “Income,” list all wages, salaries, net foreign source taxable income, royalties, tips, gratuities, taxable interest, capital gains, air miles, and money found down the back of the sofa. If your earnings are derived wholly, or partially but not primarily, or wholly AND partially but not primarily, from countries other than the United States (if uncertain, see USIA Leaflet 212W, “Countries That Are Not the United States”) OR your rotated gross income from Schedule H was greater than your earned income credit on nontaxable net disbursements, you MUST include a Grantor/Transferor Waiver Voucher. Failure to do so may result in a fine of $1,500,000 and seizure of a child.

Under Section 890f, list total farm income (in none, give details). If you were born after January 1, 1897, and are NOT a widow(er), include excess casualty losses and provide carry-over figures for depreciation on line 27iii. You MUST list number of turkeys slaughtered for export. Subtract, but do not deduct, net gross dividends from pro rata interest payments, multiply by the total number of steps in your home, and enter on line 356d.

On Schedule F1001, line c, list the contents of your garage. Include all electrical and nonelectrical items on Schedule 295D, but DO NOT include electrical OR nonelectrical items not listed on Supplementary Form 243d.

Under “Personal Expenditures,” itemize all cash expenditures of more than $1, and include verification. If you have had dental work and you are not claiming a refund on the federal oil spill allowance, enter your shoe sizes since birth and enclose specimen shoes (right foot only). Multiply by 1.5 or 1,319, whichever is larger, and divide line 3f by 3d. Under Section 912g, enter federal income support grants for the production of alfalfa, barley (but not sorghum, unless for home consumption), and okra WHETHER OR NOT you received any. Failure to do so may result in a fine of $3,750,000 and death by lethal injection.

If your children are dependent but not living at home, or living at home but not dependent, or dependent and living at home but hardly ever there AND you are not claiming exemption for leases of maritime vessels in excess of 12,000 tons deadweight (15,000 tons if you were born in Guam), you MUST complete and include a Maritime Vessel Exemption Form. Failure to do so may result in a fine of $111,000,000 and a nuclear attack on a small, neutral country.

On pages 924-926, Schedule D, enter the names of people you know personally who are Communists or use drugs. (Use extra pages if necessary.)

If you have interest earnings from savings accounts, securities, bearer bonds, certificates of deposit, or other fiduciary instruments but DO NOT know your hat size, complete Supplementary Schedules 112d and 112f and enclose with all relevant tables. (Do not send chairs at this time.) Include, but do not collate, ongoing losses from mining investments, commodities transactions, and organ transplants, divide by the total number of motel visits you made in 1996, and enter in any remaining spaces. If you have unreimbursed employee expenses, tough.

To compute your estimated tax, add lines 27 through 964, deduct lines 45a and 699f from Schedule 2F (if greater or less than 2.2% of average alternative minimum estimated tax for last five years), multiply by the number of RPMs your car registers when stuck on ice, and add 2. If line 997 is smaller than line 998, start again. In the space marked “Tax Due,” write a very large figure.

Make your check payable to “Internal Revenue Service of the United States of America and to the Republic for Which It Stands,” and mark for the attention of Patty. On the back of your check write your social security number, Taxpayer Identification Number, IRS Tax Code Audit Number(s), IRS Regional Office Sub-Unit Zone Number (UNLESS you are filing a T/45 Sub-Unit Zone Exclusion Notice), sexual orientation, and smoking preference, and send to:

Internal Revenue Service of the United States of America
Tax Reception and Orientation Center
Building D/Annex G78
Suite 900
Subduction Zone 12
Box 132677-02
Drawer 2, About Halfway Back
Federal City
Maryland 100001

If you have any questions about filing, or require assistance with your return, phone 1-800-BUSY SIGNAL. Thank you and have a prosperous 1999. Failure to do so may result in a fine of $125,000 and a long walk to the cooler.

From "Notes from a big country" by Bill Bryson.